CLOUD POEM
A pink cloud informs me
That I need to take the antidote by sundown
The cloud is angry, furious
Seemingly unable to x-press itself
The cloud is now making a phone call
Then it blushes and says
That it wants to make love to me
The cloud starts break-dancing,
It is wearing Ray-Bans
Inviting me to feel its boobs
Which is okay I suppose
But now I’m being followed by a rain cloud
That’s smiling horribly in sinister mode
Slipping anti-depressants in to its thin mouth
And telling me, ‘By the way, oh, oh,
I didn’t tell you did I?
Albert Einstein is a frog’
ABRAHAM LINCOLN POEM
Whisk the pudding real good
Point that laser at the ghost
You’re falling in to a hole
I’m sharing a bong with Jabba the Hut
I have nothing to say (but he’s v. sexy)
And I’m looking up at the night sky now
With a KFC bucket stuffed on my head
So I can’t see anything
Three trolls in a car with light sabres
On the way to a party in a giant mushroom
And mice are tinkering around on the moon
And they’re tinkering around other places too
A mouse is wearing an Abraham Lincoln hat on the moon
Perhaps the most respected president of all time
I want mummy to fix my Pokemon
That statue of Abraham Lincoln is murmuring
Some mice are agreeing about something on the moon
I’m falling in to a hole in my Abe Lincoln hat
I’m in love, eating KFC with Jabba the Hut
Bucket head and Abraham Lincoln are crying
Moving through the grey, dense air
On another Tuesday evening
JULIAN
Julian’s creepy moustache
Is laughing at the barbecue
Julian has v.creepy tits
He is doing hits from the bong
With a depressed Julian
Julian’s elbows started laughing
When he saw a Jaguar
Driving a Ferrari
His hands were screaming
And laughing again
Julian said ‘Hi’ to Gonzo
Gonzo said, ‘Hi’ back
His kidney felt like
It was playing a harp
And earlier Julian remembered
Crying in a supermarket
J-LOW
A pink face blows a green bubble
In a kind of decline, sad and echoing
There’s a daffodil with a moustache
Sitting here with me, and we lack clout
We watch E.T. smoking a big cigar
And he’s looking out to sea and at the sky
While wolves murmur in restaurants at dusk
Drinking four cups of coffee in a row
And it’s raining strawberries outside
And some of them are banging on the window
And saying hello as they drop
Every one of them has a plan
BEETHOVEN POEM
There’s a hazy kind of light
Up in the mountains at this time of year
A man in a bunny suit stands
Before a burned out Cadillac
Beethoven is sitting next to a giant ant
In an open topped Cadillac
People are pouring fruit smoothies
Over a gorilla in a cage
And spray painting it different neon colours
The ant and Beethoven pull out their Uzi’s
And start spraying everything in sight
They spray the gorilla
They spray the guy in the bunny suit
The gorilla explodes inside the cage
Beethoven and the ant are crying
Beethoven wipes Beethoven’s eyes
Sad noises vibrate between Beethoven’s lips
The ant laughs a bit
And opens a bottle of beer
(Adam J Maynard lives in Oxford (UK). His work has appeared in Lamination Colony, Robot Melon, Pineapplewar, Spooky boyfriend, Surgery of Modern Warfare, Zembla, Purple, Kill Author, The Corduroy Mtn, Pangur Ban Party, West Wind Review and others. His book of short fiction Stumble was published by Pulp Books. He edits the short fiction/ poetry site My Name is Mud. A book of his poems, Green, has recently been published by My Name is Mud Books. www.adamjmaynard.com