THIS IS FOR THE PUPPIES

we refused to define it,

to interpret our actions

as something romantic

or intimate.

i was using you

as you were using me

to sever the blows

of our prior romances

to other people.

we were two weak bodies

clinging to another human's pulse

like there was something to prove

or gain, to redeem. 

i remember the day we stopped talking

you were wearing the jeans that i gave you

and i was stylish in yesterday's clothes.

as the two of us walked in crooked lines

across an abandoned field,

a black puppy had joined in,

running wildly from one end of the field

to the other

with a dumb smile on its face.

i'll never forget what happened next

when you held both of my hands

in your palm, forming tight fists around them,

squeezing them until they were purple,

whispering quietly, 

sarah, i'm staying alive for all the puppies

because everything else is bullshit.

(Sarah San has started a coin collection. She is also debating selling plasma this summer.)